Almaty benchmark

You've gathered by now that we thoroughly love Almaty and I want to focus now on that all important category in this city - one your guide book is sure to miss - which is of course its benches.

Here I will present a selection of Almaty's finest glute-warmers, and then you can vote for the finest bum cuddler of them all (vote on the right-->). Before we start, let's recap on the merits of that very fine invention, the humble servant of the metropolis, the bench. The anatomy of a bench begins with the seat, and the other essential component is the legs. The optional arm rest and back are common; and in Kazakhstan we almost invariably find a bench with its own loyal bin at its side.

Boulevard of dreams - a classic

Above is the first entry 'Boulevard of dreams'. This classic is more than a bench, it's a whole setting. An ergonomic seat and trusty back are accompanied by a bin and this set is repeated along this capacious sidewalk, with Almaty's finest autumnal dendrites providing shade and colour in the perfect hue and intensity. Sit and read poetry, romance your lover, take a simple quiet moment alone, or just walk on by and appreciate this zenith of civilisation.

Slender legs - simple and elegant

Next up is 'slender legs'. This modern number is progressive by anyone's standards, confidently and stylishly standing without a bin, arms or a back. Simplicity yet oozing elegance. There's no specially manicured setting here - this bench just sits humbly on a tiled spot outside a shop, raised a little above the pavement. Forget illusions of grandeur, a bench is a bench and while there may well be a very fine cheek charmer atop a mountain afar, this bench is in the thick of it in the city, exactly where it should be. If you're pacing up a pavement requiring a rest, or stumbling on a sidewalk starving for a siesta, then this minimal and, dare I say, efficient assemblage is your best friend.

Essex legs - 'the only way is Almaty'

But we cannot rest! We must continue! And here we have something very special. Backless and armless but with a bin (not pictured), this robust bar for bum squatting sits atop the grandest bench legs I've ever known. These stone flying tiger statues remind me of those closely packed semis in Essex with massive, incongruous Greek pillars and stone lions in the front garden. The only way is Almaty!

Calamity - a text-book disaster, but worse

Next up is 'Calamity'. Located in Kok-tubae, with stunning views over the city of Almaty, this is the perfect place for a perch, but here we part with perfection and preposterous planning begins: the benches are located just behind some tall trees, so that the view is totally obscured. Adding insult to injury, the benches have a repulsive concrete recess cut into the grassy hill, are host to a ferociously offensive green paint, have a short, shallow back (the worst kind!), have no bin, and are cold, cold metal. All of this is merely a disaster, but what makes it a calamity is the configuration of the three benches. Even in terrential rain I would still prefer to sit on the grass beside than join this tremendous travesty.

Mountain view: another great all rounder

Finally we have 'Mountain view' a backless bench with loyal bin and elegant arm rests. Keeping things simple and flexible but with subtle character also in the design, this bench sits in a stunning setting, with local evergreens complemented by the mighty Medeu ice-rink and the mountains beyond. What better way to wait for the bus?

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