That thing

After a refreshing walk in the white mountains, with none but the four of us to be seen for endless miles in all directions, we set up camp somewhere in the vacuous expanse that is Kazakhstan. We gathered round the fire and enjoyed drinking and telling stories.

The big dipper threatens to pour water on our fire.

The stars came out in countless numbers and circled over us as we watched the moon set and, subsequently, the milky way set.

I awoke in the night and went for a quick trip to the John. On my way back to the tent I was struck by that thing. It doesn't happen often, and it's been a while for me so it seemed all the more profound. It's usually prompted by a celestial sight, which triggers the sensation of basic reasoning - which is more likely to be the recounting of a science lesson than it is actually original thought. 

As the fire glows, the milky way sets over our tent.

The moon setting, and subsequently the milky way setting, and the view of a trillion stars, all of different colour and brilliance, gave me a real visceral, spacial sense of the galaxy and how we're sitting on a rock that's spinning, while flying, in a vast expanse of nothing - something even bigger than Kazakhstan! - with a few negligible concentrations of mass here and there, and how small a part of this magnificent mechanism I really am. I didn't know anything new; I didn't understand anything differently; but it all seemed so real and profound that I had the sensation that suddenly things were more clear than before. They weren't; they were just more fresh; but even that is exhillerating! Then I went back to bed.

Wild horses

After the hunming dune we camped by the river and cooked outdoors, lush. After a night of being bitten we drove across some stunning scenery, on our way to the white mountains.

Vast vastness. Not a soul in sight. Mass massiveness. Huge giganticness.

 It may seem like an empty expanse but it's not - it's just not very densely populated. We chased a wild horse for about 20 minutes, which was really exciting.

Mick Jagger.

Camping without neighbours.

We went for a jolly long walk in the white mountains, which did not let us down as they matched their description just fine. Additionally, they offered an array of wonderful vistas.

White mountains. They do what they say on the tin.

Gap. Year.

Thanks to Sergei our guide, for his great cooking, driving, etc.

Hey Dune!

Hey Dune, made of sand.
You take sand and make it hummm.
Remember to let us climb your slopes,
Then we can start to make you humm.

This dune in Altyn-Yemyel national park is known to 'sing'.

Hey Dune, don't be afraid.
You were made to sing a great song.
The minute we cause an avalanche,
Then you begin to hum along.

Chris makes progress up the dune

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Dune, refrain,
Don't carry your sand to Kyrgyzstan.
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By taking his world to, say, Uzbekistan.

The top is rewarding, but the way down is the highlight.

Hey Dune, let us slide down,
Your beautiful wind swept sides.
Remember to let us climb up your slopes,
Then you and I can start to elide.

Dune, where's my car?

So let it out and let it in, hey Dune, begin,
You're waiting for someone to perform with.
And don't you know that it's just you, hey Dune, you'll do,
The movement you need is on your sand slopes.

Aaaaaaaaaaa si wennnnnnnnnyaaaaaaaaaa

Hey Dune, made of sand.
You take sand and make it better.
Remember to let us climb up your slopes,
Then we'll begin to make it
Better better better better better better, oh.

If you dig your elbows in, it humms magnificently. Remarkable.

Then you can start to make it better.

Me, posing for my mum;
and Chris the redeemer in the background.

Na na na na na, na na na, hey Dune...

National park bench

Human endeavour at its best.

At the entrance to the Altyn-Emel national park, a few hours' ride from Almaty, lies this wonderful exhibition of human endeavour. And in front of it, for those in need of a rest, is a bench.

As we waited for the gate keepers to finish lunch, we were allowed plenty of time to admire this fine endeavour. So inspiring. The three headed wolves obviously symbolise, well, something. The arm from nowhere grabbing the central wolf's upper jaw represents, uh, I dunno. 

And the goat atop this fine piece of showmanship? I also don't know. But we're not here to talk about art, we're here to talk about one of life's more important elements - the public bench. And here is a simple yet elegant innovation - a blue backless, armless, binless bench with slatted seat, arranged at a slightly acute angle giving the sense of an arrow - the arrow of time; the arrow of progress, the blue arrow. Incredible.

Bench facilitates detailed view of human endeavour

KA-ZAKH-STAN

    Kazakhstan 1
    Ireland    2
Sports correspondent PBJ.

KA-ZAKH-STAN. FIFA. GOOOAL.

This was a world cup qualifying game between Kazakhstan (in blue), Ireland (in their alternative white strip) and FIFA (in their usual yellow colour). FIFA only had three players, two of whom stayed on the edge of the pitch the whole time, and the other did a lot of running but was very hands-off. If he had got the ball I don't know which goal he would have shot at.

Left: vaguely famous; Right: FIFA

Anyway Ireland looked strong at the beginning. Kazakhstan grew in confidence but were still the underdogs when they snuck in a header near the end of the first half. The crowd went predictably wild and chants became louder. Such as GOAL GOAL GOAL, and KA-ZAKH-STAN. My favourite was dum dum d-d-dum d-d-d-dum KZH-STAN. I even heard a bit of OLE, OLE-OLE-OLE.

The crowd switched ends at half time and all was a bit boring as the K-dogs defended their lead and the Greens got frustrated. FIFA continued to underwhelm. 

Cultural exchange. There was a good atmosphere. GOAL GOAL GOAL!

After a goal mouth scrap, the ball being shakily scouped away, the referee ordered a penalty to Ireland and gave a yellow card to a man in blue. There are no replays in real life, so it remains a mystery what happened - maybe a handball or a foul, but surely that would be a red card? Any way Robbie Keane cooly put it away to level the scores with a few minutes to go. Suddenly there was some dynamism and, tragically for the blues, Ireland put one away near the end. Kazakhstan were tired and desperate at the end, surely regretting their earlier time-wasting antics. 

Stadiums. I love stadiums. This is a nice one.

On the way out there was an impressive sea of busses to take all the fans back to the other side of town - where real people live - while I was lucky enough to take a short walk home.

FIFA!

Turraah Tien Shan

Sunset on the road back to Bishkek, with yurts by the road

We headed out of the country via Bishkek, the road to which, pictured above, was terrifying. The mountains died down and all became flat. 

Tien Shan: if you listen carefully, they sound just like a golf.

We crossed the border into Kazakhstan and were welcomed by a large picture of El Presidente. As we drove towards Almaty I looked back across the fields and, when I looked carefully, I could see the faint peaks of the Tien Shan high up in the sky, like clouds. You can see why they're called 'celestial mountains'. I'd love to go back some time.

Osh bazaar

Osh bazaar: it's in Bishkek.

Osh bazaar: colourful

Osh is on the other side of the country from Bishkek. A high altitude melting pot with ethnic tensions that often spark riots and revolutions in phase with El Ninio. We didn't go to Osh. We went to Osh bazaar, in Bishkek.

I was expecting a big noisy open place but in fact it was lots of intricate, intimate, pseudo-corridors of market stalls. Sewing machines on the stalls, beams of daylight coming through gaps in the ad hoc canvas over-hanging roofs, bright and beautiful colours, and all somehow in tune with the serenity that is Bishkek and Kygyzstan's general MO. 

The bazaar was a great place to walk around and suck up the atmosphere. But it wasn't a good place to buy shoes, as we found out to Gulnur's expense.

Osh bazaar: gap year.

Tamga highlights

We stayed in Tamga, a tiny place near the lake. Aside from the stunning stary scenery at night, here's some of its other noteable bits.

Headware: 10/10

It's a sleepy town nestled in the huge and stunning mountains. It's almost pitch black at night and as we walked down the main street in the dark there were children entertaining themselves singing songs together. Pictured above a local guy with a very cool hat; his wife was equally keen to be photographed.

'Pochta Telephon Telegraf;
- literally Post office, telephone, telegraph

Pictured above beneath the evening sky and with the mountains peeping up behind is the local post office offering telegraph services. This really is like something from the past - I can't believe that people use telegraphs?!

Kyrgyz Republic Military Ministry (roughly translated!)

Welcome to Tamga

The village sign, while still looking like a blast from the past, is a bit more in your face - it has been the subject of some target practice. It sits along side an old Soviet fighter jet with a big red star on its tale (also above).

Stargazing in Tamga

We stayed in a guesthouse in Tamga, a village on the south of the big lake Issyk-kul. At 1600m and with minimal artificial light it was a stellar place to star gaze. Sorry. Anyway, it was a stunning sight at night, and a feature of the trip that I hadn't anticipated which made it all the more breathtaking.

Mesmorising

Me stargazing in the lovely garden of the guesthouse;
the light is from inside the house.

Man tins

Follow the river

We headed east along the south shore of the lake and then up a few hundred metres in altitude until the road become unsuitable for normal cars. Then we began our hike up into the Tien Shan - 'Celestial Mountains'. We'd found some old Soviet military maps in the guesthouse and used them to plan our route and we kept it simple: follow the river. 

The prize at the top to keep us motivated was the hot springs, but no extra incentive was needed: the scenery was stunning. Lush green grass, white water rapids, pine forests, butterflies, and glorious weather. As Jamie put it: like Scotland on a very rare day.

Jamie driving the Kazakh tractor, Zhan and I hitching a ride.

It was constantly beaut the whole way up, with some nice places to stop for a vista or a souvenir photo - like the very old tractor from Kazakhstan, pictured here. But after a few hours with no end in sight the prize of the hot springs started to become more important! Gulnur's shoes from Osh bazaar had broken miles back - more on Osh Bazaar later - the shoes looked like Asics trainers, but it emerged that they had been stapled together; the staples proved to be something between an irritant, a liability, and a hazard. Anyway, it was a fantastic hike with a great finale.

The terrain opened out into a grean valley with pine forested mountains around and snow peaks in the distance; some huts and yurts were situated around the river. This was the top of our climb, a meer 18 km walk; but at 2300m, this is effectively the bottom of the mountain. I'd love to have camped and climbed further, but that's for another day. The small concrete huts pictured below, by the river, hosted hot springs. Hot really means hot - 50C they say - and it took a while to get into the water but it was a fabulous treat for slightly sore legs. Getting into the icey river immediately afterwards was a surprisingly refreshing activity, enough that I did two of the hot-cold cycles.

Altyn-Arashan: valley with hot springs.

The walk down turned out to be just as long as the walk up.

Issyk-kul: beach

Off to the big lake then. The second largest blah blah blah in the world, with the blah blah biggest gold mine nearby. Statistics are irrelevant; this place is really, really beautiful. We found a lovely  spot on a beach, pictured below, and sunbathed and swam for a while.

Lush

A few people came to chat to us; everyone was very friendly. We were indulged by some (relatively) locals who told us that being buried in the hot sand for 20 minutes is good for your health (sure) and will avoid you getting the flu (sure). They offered to bury us; we obliged; but got a bit worried when all three of us were buried and they kindly put our hats over our faces to 'shield the sun'. Jamie emerged from what by now looked like a grave, govered in gravel and looking like a mummy. He wanted to keep an eye on our passports. Of course, this was no trick, these people were really kind, like everyone we met (except a few cabbies) but nevertheless it would be a stupid way to get robbed so prob worth avoiding!

The setting of the beach, on the south side of Issyk-Kul, a massive alpine lake, was stunning.

Jamie takes a plunge amid the mighty Tien Shan mountains

Of course, we weren't totally alone on the beach - there were a few locals too ...

Slightly saline. Not bothered.

A classic Soviet summer holiday.

Bishkek Soviet archiecture

The brute grandness of Bishkek, a carefully laid out Soviet city which seems to have been more important at some point that Almaty was, is in stark contrast to its quiet, drowsy day-to-day operations. Let's take a look at some Soviet architecture, beginning with the Whitehouse. Fab.

Whitehouse: good effort.

That has impact. It's really good! The next one is a chance to express my ignorance - I don't know what it is; but you've got to love it. This would go so well on London's Southbank, I think. I genuinely like this building. It must be an arts centre of some kind.

What ever it is (within reason), I'm a fan.

The impressive buildings don't stop there. Checkout the museum ...

... and some art-deco and neo-classical pieces ...

... and the main square, almost middle eastern ...

Lovely sky. Sombre, but elegant.

Bishkek benchmark

Bishkek opera house plus a rare bench

Bishkek, capital of Kyrgyzstan, is sleepy. And the town planners have been caught napping too because there is a distinct lack of benches. I managed to find this one (right) facing the Opera House. But otherwise an epic fail on the bench front for Bishkek and its snoring planners.

Let us not despair, however; for bishkek is not for sitting, it is for walking, and there is a plethora of fab Soviet architecture to be seen. I shall write about that separately but before I do I should mention the quality Radison guesthouse. No affiliation to the Radisson hotel chain, Kyrgyzstan is clearly beyond the realms of intellectual property lawyers! Half the number of s's, half the price, and a lovely place to stay!

Gold!

Kyrgyzstan's economy: Spandau ballet

Congratulations to Kazakhstan on their 7 Olympic golds. There are images of the winners everywhere and I think it creates a significant feel good factor.

Speaking of gold, Kazakhstan's little brother in the south, Kyrgyzstan, has an economy which consists 43% of gold exports. Now either this country has a small economy, or it has a lot of gold; in fact both are true. 

Almost the size of Great Britain but with fewer than 6 million people, the country is 94% mountainous and sounded so fasciniating - not just because it's 90% vowels - that I wanted to go there. I had to spend a few evenings waiting at the consulate, and at BTA bank to pay $55 for a visa (the queuing system works by asking who's last, and then you become last, and then the next person asks you, etc. - so everyone knows. Very elegant - until, that is, we decided to leave because the queue was too long. The person after us in the queue had a look of horror on her face - 'who's before you?!'). After successfully getting a visa, the requirements were relaxed 7 days later - no visa needed. They didn't even notice my visa when they checked my passport at the border! Anyway, for those inclined to start lawsuits: the following articles will be about PBJ in Kyrgyzstan, not Kazakhstan!

BTA bank: BTA is short for 'lovely'

Mr. Proper.

'Effect magnita', promises the bottle.

This guy, he's incredible. He does everything properly. You name it, he does it properly! He's so impressive that I'll forgive his earing. He adorns a bottle of *something* that came free with some washing powder and I'm a bit scared to find out what the bottle contains; but it sits proudly attached to the bag of washing powder and I see it every morning as I get into the shower. It inspires me for the day and helps me aspire to do more things properly.

Let's all do more things properly.

Climate: extreme continental