Sheikh your booty

Let's comment on some architecture. The Dubai metro is simply fantastic. Swift, swish, and suave.

The stations are like space-age cocoons, super clean and sleek. But I was quite taken by one station in the old town. I'd reached a place where there should be a metro station, but all I could find was this small classic building.

Subtle. (no seriously, it's actually subtle - give them credit!).

It turns out, it is the station! Of course it was Friday morning and even the metro was closed. I checked out the buses in vane as the midday sun baked me into a prune and I hopped in a taxi before I became a date. I was treated to some views of the skyline which is nothing short of impressive.

Dubai skyline.

Build it and they will come, they said. They've built it, and I've come, so you have to give them credit. And, from the Burj, here's an 'inspiring' quote from his highness:

I've added a minor detail. Probably just being pedantic

Malled by the Emirates

There's Ibn Battuta, which has gone for the classic/ancient style. Here's one of the decorative domes inside:

A decorative dome inside a 'classic' mall

Then there's the Mall of the Emirates, which has gone for the classic/European style. Here's one of the decorative domes in the background:

(hello again mother)

They've perfectly captured the spirit of classic Italy by making wonky buildings and putting the lampposts not in a straight line. Incredible.

And then there's the gold souk (market), which is actually classic. If you Google it then you'll see it's bustling with people and full of refulgent gold; alas, on a Friday morning the shutters are down and it's all but silent.

Gold souk. Mostly closed on Friday mornings.

At least there were some benches, which is more than I can say for most of Dubai.

Ray's bar

"Is it on the top floor?"

"No, it's on the 62nd"

The atrium envelopes us in its opulence. We're joined in the bejeweled lift by bewildered middle class British people dressed their best and out for a cocktail, and are greeted on the 62nd floor by a waiter and a stunning view of Abu Dhabi.

We choose from the endless fabulous and expensive cocktails and admire the decor. The bar is full of people instagramming themselves, so pleased to be there among the elite. I wonder where the actual elite are. I go to the loo and am enamoured by the sinks.

A large glass container holds within it a smaller marble block. The water falls to the block and runs down its side, and splashes the glass too. I return to the bill and am not enamoured. I pull a face. The waiter re-assures me:
"It's expensive to keep clean a sink of such disproportionate surface area"

Dubai mall

There are more shops, restaurants, and atria than you can shake a stick at here. You'll need at least three sticks if you want to shake a stick at all the things in the Dubai Mall. And there's an aquarium, an ice-rink, you name it. My favourite aspect was the atria, of which my favourite was the Souk atrium.

A modern place of worship

It's really quite a marvellous place. You can leave aspiring to buy something, return next time to buy it, and you'll leave already aspiring to replace what you've just bought with something else, and you can just spend your whole life aspiring to be better than you already are buy buying more things than you already have. There's so much here. They have everything that you desire. Even green women.

Everthing you desire. Including green women.

I noticed that they had just enough signs to help you feel comfortable and not lost; but a severe lack of exit signs. Don't exit, just stay here and aspire, in all the different aspirational places.

The thing is, it's so well done, and it's so scorchingly hot outside, that it's quite nice in there. Especially the toilets in Bloomingdales, which are so spacious, and comfortable. So I sat on the loo and sketched this:

Jumeirah public beach

With a slight breeze on the beech and the sun long gone, it was finally cool enough to walk outdoors. It was absolutely lush and I was so relieved to have the freedom we take for granted - to breathe unconditioned air, and to just wander around. The sand and the sea made it even better. 

The Burj takes on the moon as families enjoy the beach at night.

There were many families out swimming in the dark and there was a warm atmosphere to match the warm weather. The Burj towered over the beach from afar, almost, but not quite, reaching the moon.

Splurj at the Burj

A quick dip into Dubai's architecture then. Let's get straight to the point, by far the tallest building in the world, the Burj al Kalurj, the ultimate aspiration, shining by day, glowing by night, literally scraping the sky, and giving us all a neck ache. Simply, amazing.

The building project that is Dubai is really overwhelmingly big, and there are umpteen buildings with distinct designs, some out of proportion (usually too big!), some with more aspiration than aesthetic decency; but, in their defense (whoever they are!), most of the aesthetic details that I saw in Dubai were really well done.

Anyway, if you're reading this, then you're probably my mum, and it's about time I put a picture of me here. So, accompanied by the view from the 124th floor of the Burj (barely half way up!), here I am in all my glory:

Hellooooooooooooooo mother!

The metro was impeccable, the infrastructure generally impressive, and the sky scrapers endless ...

 

Toilet signs, again?!

I had a moment of genuine confusion as I searched for a toilet in Dubai. I remember my sister, when she was 5 or something, astutely observing that the woman on the toilet signs can be distinguished by having one leg. Indeed, this is a very reliable rule if you don't leave Europe.

I entered this toilet, therefore, with severe caution. I later found both images for comparison, and it became apparent that women are distinguished here by wearing baggy t-shirts.

Hotel Sputnik

You know you've made it in life when you find yourself staying in Hotel Sputnik in Nefteyugansk. Some of the complementary features of your stay:

1. Towel included. Covers one average buttock.
2. Blinds included. Translucent blinds.
3. Mosquito nets included. On the windows. But not the doors. They'll come and sing you to sleep.
4. Fridge included. Smells like bad meat.

Some other benefits, available at a reasonable cost:

1. Fried breakfast, gone cold ($1 well spent)
2. Unlabelled bottled water ($1 well spent)
3. Laundry. Almost dry when delivered. Almost. ($5 well spent)


Of course, you will also get the benefits of being in Nefteyugansk, including such experiences as:

Happy Englishman: Good morning (smiles)
Happy canteen lady: What?! (frowns)
Happy Englishman: Good morning (smiles, tentatively)
Happy canteen lady: Is that everything?

Last but not least, the usual Nefteyugansk welcome: the water smells metallic and leaves you feeling dirtier than before you 'washed' yourself.

Enjoy your stay!

Novosibirsk architecture

A quick round up of notable buildings in the city then, starting with the classic opera house,

A real Russian opera house

and moving on to this marvel in 'Akademgorodok', a city of universities including crumbling buildings housing excellent scientists - a relic of some of the best of Soviet days - but also buildings showing new ambition, and new confidence:

A techno park. How did you guess?

And on to something moving, albeit stationary. A classic railway station, with a statue of families waving goodbye during the war. A terribly large number of people left for war through this station, and a horribly small proportion returned.

Novosibirsk benchmark

Certainly, one seeks a bench in the shade with some cute buttons as back rests; and in Novosibirsk, one will be please to find exactly that. The passer by senses they are in a garden, with slowly swaying leafy trees, and brick-built surroundings containing small, pleasant lawns; this is a quiet but confident bench. Sit down, relax!

Novosibirsk: quiet, but confident.

Novosibirsk caters to the more lively soul, too; the extrovert for whom a garden is too quiet, and to sit alone is to miss an opportunity to meet someone.

Not propaganda for children

These two lovely men can't wait to meet you. Don't delay, book your flights!

Today's weather: changeable

It's hot in the summer, often over 30C. When there's a fresh breeze and the mosquitoes are kept away, it's a real pleasure. But the weather is far from reliable. Within a few minutes it can turn ...

Shortly followed by hail, lightning, and thunder, hurrah!

A bug's life

Summer also awakes small things. There are bugs of all shapes and sizes.

Some are nastier than others; but most are harmless.

Summer arrives

Summer officially starts on 1st June, but it snowed for two days just to remind us who is boss. But it's toasty and sunny now and the forest is growing a good, green beard. Summer has arrived.

Spring watch!

Spring certainly has arrived; white has become browny-green, and there are animals everywhere! The challenge is to capture them on my old Nokia with its wide angle lens! The star of the show is the elusive yet imperious bear.

Porridge.

In the spring the bears awake and hunt for a feast; we share a joint fear of being the feast, yet a desire to be close to it. The bear is big, the bear is fast, and the bear may well eat you!

Hare today.

Gone tomorrow.

The hares epitomise the spring. They dart around with unbelievable energy and fill the whole forest with a sense of life. Basically, there's a reason why we call spring, spring. Suddenly the forest is alive! There are birds, big and small, sounds of life everywhere, and the plants are sprouting everywhere.

We also see a lot of foxes, and have seen a few elk - a very large and very strange animal! 

But back to the bear, I have been a little too close to a bear a few times. They dart towards our car, sometimes in pairs, and growl.

If you can hear it breathe, you're too close. That's my shoulder in blue. AH!

Marsh; mellow.

For months I wondered what was beneath the big open expanses of snow. Marsh, naturally, but I didn't quite believe it till I saw it. Here it is ... vast marshness, delimited by forest.

Marsh; mellow.

This completes a nice collection

Winter views

The winter is beautiful, if very cold, and I love the snow covered trees.

Snow covered evergreens

In early April we had our first day fully above zero, but the snow takes forever to thaw and there are endless stunning days, often quite warm, with snow keeping everything pristine looking and still not much sign of life.

Sun bathing snow.

I saw someone had written 'spring as arrived' in the snow. It was -10C and it felt really warm so it seemed a reasonable expression; the irony didn't hit me until I saw someone had also written in the snow 'spring hasn't arrived'. If you can write in the snow, perhaps that's enough of an indicator that spring is yet to arrive!

To the wilderness

A bridge over troubled ... ice.

Over the bridge, away from the city, and to the great Siberian forest as the sun disappears behind the trees.

Cold but cosy!

Siberian forest at night

Omsk railway station

Omsk railway station is a really good effort. And there's something cool about reading the departure board in a train station and seeing Beijing and Moscow as nonchalant neighbours.

Siberian forest at night.

I headed north for 24 hours. The beautiful Siberian forest trundled by, faintly lit by the sepia bulbs in the train with snow jossling around in the foreground. It was too dark to photograph but I had plenty of time to sketch it - see above.

Phantom metro

Perhaps more wierd than going underground and coming up in a different place, is to go underground to a metro station but to come out where you started! Welcome to Omsk where the Metro recently celebrated its 20th birthday, but is yet to Open!

Welcome to ... where you just came from.

Above is a lovely Soviet building, framed by the exit of a Metro station.

Omsk bench redemption

The sun came out and Omsk redeemed itself (with a bench, of course!). Above is the beautiful church in the centre of Omsk on a massive roundabout, with a pair of classic benches sited perfectly to absorb the view.

Omsk also sports a small number of boulevards with shops and cafes, with a good bench population to accompany them. This lady has been waiting since Victorian times for someone to keep her company on the bench. The guy across the road seems hesitant ...

He didn't have an evident name, so we called him Stalin. I say go for it Stalin, she seems nice!

Bleak Omsk

The Russian riviera.

I thought I'd made friends with a taxi driver at Omsk airport. If there's a rule of travel, it's that you've never made friends with a taxi driver at an airport; you just occasionally think that you have. He agreed to help me find an apartment and if that failed, to find a hotel. We agreed on 200 rubles ($6).

He called a friend who arranged to meet us in a reasonable part of town and show me an apartment. It was over priced but it was 'elitnayar' according the esteemed salesman. It wasn't where they said it was; it was dark and gloomy; I didn't think I'd leave there alive. I told the driver what I thought, and he said we should look anyway, and then move along. The esteemed salesman never arrived, so off we went to the hotel. 'Elitnayar', we joked. What a cowboy!

After some entertaining stories about his time in the KGB alpha group in Angola (lots of machine gun impressions) the driver delivered me to the hotel.

      'Here we are. 7,600 rubles please' ($250).

I expressed my shock.

       'forget about the 600, let's go with 7,000',  he said.

       'Who's the cowboy now?' I asked!

After some steely patience, including opening the door as he tried to drive us to the 'police station' to help mediate (he wasn't happy to use the hotel as a mediator), and resisting his friend's efforts on the phone to be a 'dispatcher' and confirm that the price should be precisely 7,600 rubles, I bargained him down to 500 rubles and we parted ways.

       'Can I have another 200 ... pleeeease' he asked.

The trees add character to the already beautiful view.

Nevermind, I thought, I'll take a walk along the riverside. Another epic fail as I found myself thigh deep in powder and a biting wind cut straight through me. I was the only one who fancied a promenade, it seemed.

Welcome to Omsk!

A Swiss bench

If Switzerland is the epitomy of civilization and the bench is a symbol thereof, we should expect find a gem or two in this little neutral mountainous watch-making chocolate-sucking land of cold, punctual people.

It should not come as a surprise then, though it will no doubt still be a delight, to read that I stumbled across this beautiful peach percher in that perculiar alpine state. Sleek lines, half backed and half backless, with real character on the lower half of the bench - quite unusual! - and it lights up at night, too. Thank you Switzerland and I hope we didn't make you late.